“My biggest lie…”
Published by Kristina & Breanne,
Posted by Kristina Smedley |
I’ve never struggled with believing I am capable. A lot of people do, and I'm so thankful that hasn't been my story.
I’ve always gone for things, jumped in, tried… and often succeeded, while many times failing. That has never stopped me from trying again.
I’ve started businesses.
Moved between states.
Switched jobs.
Never because I was running.
Always because I knew I was capable and wanted to experiment and explore.
So no, I’ve never had the fear that I’m incapable.
Instead, the lie I’ve been telling myself all of these years is that others won’t like me if I’m pretty. If I’m smart. If I’m athletic and fit.
I’ve been lying to myself that if I’m proud of myself then I’m conceited.
And you know what they say about pretty girls… "stuck up", "snob", "thinks she’s too good for us." Yep, they don't like me. (It's making me sweat a little thinking you won't like me when you read this sentence!)
This lie holds me back almost more than my belief in my capabilities.
It makes me second guess others and their motives.
It prevents me from getting really close to people (besides a special few) or sharing my successes.
It makes me uncomfortable in my skin.
It makes me avoid the spotlight and recognition, and adamantly push away if it’s shined on me.
And I have so many memories and stories to prove that my lie is true… just like any good liar would have.
How else do you uphold a lie for 20+ years if you don’t have all the stories and proof aligned behind it!
It’s just been the last couple years that this lie has started to come into focus. I’m finally seeing that I created all of those stories that I use as proof of my lie, just like we all do as our thoughts and beliefs control our lives.
Do you know how much freedom there is in seeing that your biggest fears are all based on a lie?!
It doesn’t make everything disappear overnight and it doesn’t erase the pain that I’ve held on to all of these years, but slowly and surely I’m writing a new story for myself every day that doesn’t revolve around this lie.
And this story is even better than the amazing life story I’ve already lived over the last 37 years.
We all have a choice… continue living our life with excuses and lies OR decide to identify the lies and overcome. I choose option #2… Absolutely. Every time.
===
About The Author
